i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize