we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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