Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Shame - the story of my life.
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