Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
