i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
