Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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