Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
