I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
