Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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