Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
