They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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