Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize