If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
