ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
