i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
