Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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