This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
