she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
