Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
