if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
