he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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