I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He better not be in your backpack
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize