i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
