yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
