I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
