i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
