honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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