And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
