I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize