i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
