why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
