having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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