No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
