I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
