so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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