Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
