Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
