mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
