Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
