I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
