I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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