Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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