i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
