feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
