Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize