When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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