Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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