My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
