Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
