either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
