It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
