Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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