just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i now understand why vodka
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
