you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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