yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
4 words: hood of his car
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
