Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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