I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize