so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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