I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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