i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
