I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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