I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
