I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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