god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
