My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
