Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
