you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
