White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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