lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
