If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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