I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I want to have your abortion
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
