they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize