Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
