I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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