I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
