I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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