and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
