Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
