The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
