Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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