Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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