remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
