her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
