i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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