Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize