420 ftw
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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