Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
