I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize