I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
