i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
