this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
