Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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