I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
