Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
