im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
