we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
